Episode 4: A Discussion of Length

I’ve been watching a lot of Coupling lately (the U.K. version, lest you judge me). So a question of length seems in order.

Have you ever tried shopping for a less-than-floor-length wedding gown? (Have you ever tried shopping for a wedding gown?) The point is, no one carries them. There are a very few online (like Whirlingturban) and maybe a few more not-online boutiques that cater to the nostalgic, but even the larger mainstream bridal boutiques carry mostly strapless ballgowns. God knows those look awesome on some women, but not on everyone.

The only time I’ve seen anyone try on a tea-length gown on the aforementioned SYTTD, it was a really cool redhead with a gaggle of flamboyant gentlemen, and she decided it was “too costumey.” My fiancé would have said the same thing. It looked something like this:

I think it looks fabulous.

Now, I have to note that I am not marrying a gay man. As I am not one myself, that would be an unfortunate situation. But…

Nick does have an alter ego.

And his name is Gay Nick.

And he is a stone cold bitch. He once told me (accurately) that the store Forever 21 was not intended for someone with wide shoulders, when I complained about the fit of a pea coat.

The thing is, Gay Nick hasn’t offered an ounce of fashion advice since I decided to abandon the tea-length dream for a floor-length handmade lace idea. This makes me anxious, much more than his reticence and noncommittal silence when it came to the first dress I loved. The best I’ve gotten out of him so far is that the dress I’m modeling mine after is wrong for me because I hate my arms.

So, I’m asking the Internet to be my replacement Gay Nick. I know why he’s being silent on this issue of fashion — investing the money for yarn and the labor of knitting and the labor of love into this project means that I’d better love it, and he’d better love it too. But more than that, he’s at his core a traditional dude, and he doesn’t want to keep picturing me in my wedding gown when I ask him how the first 16 inches look.

Making the decision to make my own wedding gown means that I don’t get to have the SYTTD EXPERIENCE. I don’t get to play dress-up in front of my friends and family (not that I think that might have been even remotely enjoyable to begin with). Regardless, I still crave input. Every time someone comes up to the desk where I work and asks what I’m doing (shit, I’m admitting that I work on my wedding dress while at work…), I’m a little excited and a little nervous to admit that it’s my wedding dress. I know no one would be honest in that situation. No one would actually say “Good god, THAT’S unfortunate. Let me give you the address of a good dress shop and a gym, for Christ’s sake.” It’s still a little gratifying when people tell me it’s looking good, though.

Will I cry when I first try on my wedding dress? Or will my first reaction be to notice all the mistakes I’ve made? Will I think it’s too costumey? Will I break down and ask Gay Nick for his opinion? I don’t know, but even if I don’t get to have this experience in a high-end boutique, I guarantee champagne, cake, and bitches will be present.

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