Episode 7: This Is Going Well

I lied.

Well, I guess it was only a half-lie, really. I manipulated the truth to make myself seem better. So, when it comes to the grand scheme of internet writing, I told the god’s honest truth.

Remember when I explained away the slow updates by claiming that the dress was still chugging along, there just wasn’t anything new to report? That was partially true, inasmuch as there isn’t that much new to report progress-wise. Except for this:

Yes, my wedding dress project has become a demon. I let it sit in a Glad bag on my end table for weeks, until it gradually grew resentful of me. It saw me work on the little monsters and it frowned, but assumed I’d finish those and return to it with my desire for quick, easy, cute projects sated. And I did — after the baby shower, I went back to the dress and worked a few rows. What I found was that the spark of working on an exciting new project was gone, and so was the placid routine of just making the project longer. I had begun to decrease for the waist of the skirt by changing to smaller needles (oh no, did I forget to tell you that? That probably should have been its own post. DUN DUN DUNNNN DIFFERENT NEEDLES HOLY CRAP), and shortly thereafter I began to feel the anxiety of coming to the end of the skirt. While still in tube-shaped blob-of-lace form, I had no need to worry about how it would fit, whether I had measured myself properly, what size heels I would wear, or what to do about the liner. But now that it was beginning to take form and the end of the skirt was in sight, this grocery list of anxieties stared back at me every time I looked at the dress.

So I shoved the dress back in its bag, returned it to the end table, and let it watch as I worked on crochet bunting for the engagement party. It watched patiently, day after day, waiting for me to finish — but the project never ended, it just kept going on and on, and dozens of little granny triangles piled up in front of it on the table. The dress realized that it was outnumbered.

It got angry. And it might just get even.

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